The Flying Dutchman (Part 1)

Vs.

9 times out of 10, I think Davey “Squid Face” Jones and his gnarly crew win this one but let me paint the 10% scenario for you. I can just see it now, can’t you? Close your eyes and visualize with me for just a minute, I promise this is going to be fun. (I guess you can’t close your eyes, so just imagine and read on.)

“Squid Face” and the rest of his mutated “chicken of the sea” crew on the deck frantically running around in battle mode just off the shore. It’s officially on, battle time. Barrels of gun powder rolling around the gun deck, cannons firing and being reloaded rapidly. Vulgarity blasting, adrenaline pumping, pirate flag at full mass waving, this battle is epic.

Along the shore we find the Dutch national team in despair. Fort Van Basten is a blaze and in shambles. Tattered orange national team jerseys are found inside the fort: there have been casualties and some bodies are on the ground. Of the men left we find the faces Sniejder, Van der Vaart, Van Persie, Kuyt, De Jong, a young faced Huntelaar with a blank stare of absolute despair on this face, he has never seen destruction of this kind. They all look around at one another, each lacking the solution, knowing their destruction is emanate.

Explosions intensify; the end is nearing each passing moment. “Squid face” is enjoying each minute of this total devastation. He opens his telescope to bask in his destruction of a blazing Fort Van Basten and another notch on his victory belt loop. Glowing in his victory he knows it’s just a matter of time before the white flag is hosted up the pole to replace the flag. Suddenly the gates open.

On to the scene steps our unlikely hero: Ruud Van Nistelrooy. War tattered, Van Dutch or also known as the Flying Dutchman is radiating at this point. Ruud only carries a special soccer ball with the pirate logo and a red circled cross through it. He gives it a kiss, places it on the ground, (logo out of course) and takes about 8 steps back. He looks up directly at “Squid Face” one last time, then looks down at the ball and rips a rocket shot off. Of course this is the money shot; hit the main hull, sinking the Flying Dutchmen as well as Davey and the crew.

Ruud immediately like he has done so many other times extends both arms out and runs around celebrating his “golazo”. Not today “Squid Face”, not today.

So the next time you see some amateur sporting the “airplane” thank Ruud, it’s just one of his many contributions to the sport that will live on forever.