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Don't Cry For Me Argentina

Argentina, rich with soccer history, stands in danger of not qualifying for the World Cup in South Africa next year if they do not win today against their heated rivals, Uruguay. Why, might you ask, is this a big deal? Well, you must understand that Argentina always qualifies for the world cup... and qualifies early. In fact, the last time Argentina did not qualify for the World Cup was way back in 1970. Since that time, Argentina has been a powerhouse on the world stage, consistently producing some of the world's most talented players.

Think about it... if you have played a soccer video game in the last 25 years, you have always chosen either Brazil or Argentina as your team and given the computer Japan or Canada. (That's also because the computer is so cheap and never lets you score but then scores some ridiculous goal in the final minutes to win the game... but I digress)

There are many theories as to why Argentina has been suffering in the W column of World Cup Qualifying, but I would like to present my own theory. You see, Argentines (or Argentinians) do three things well:

1) Soccer

2) Asados
and 3) Mullets

If anyone has caught any of Argentina's games lately, you would notice a sharp decline in the amount of players sporting the highly successful Argentine Mullet. The mullet represents everything that was right in the 80s for Argentines--Maradona had won them a World Cup Title with his "Hand of God", mixed tapes were at their all-time high, and mullets kept neck backs warm through harsh winters. It does not take a genius to figure out that the blame for Argentina's lackluster performances can be squarely placed upon the team's lack of solidarity with regard to the mullet. As anyone knows... it takes 11 guys with mullets to win a World Cup--6 or 7 mullets does not a World Cup contender team make. That being said, I must compliment Maradona on his team leadership skills and enduring courage. After all, that man has been bravely leading the way by example for well over 25 years. Fat or skinny, drug addict or Cuban exile, Diego has always kept his business up front while maintaining a healthy party in the back.

So let those curls come down Argentina... but only in the back. Cut those bangs short. Your team needs you. Your country needs you.

By the way... the South American qualifying group will be extremely exciting to watch today. A lot of different things can happen. Keep an eye on the score boards. Here is the run down:
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    I realize the article is a few weeks old BUT this article reminded me of it. I had to laugh, that Maradona has resorted to his Faith in God to save Agentina.

    The other day I check with God on his list of things that are a top priority right now. It goes as follows:
    1. World hunger
    2. Tsunami in Tonga
    3. Wars
    4. The lonley widow
    5. Argentina qualifying for the World Cup

    Maradona is an idiot and should have OD (over dosed) on drugs a long time ago and gone down in history as just a good soccer player. This coaching thing might be the end of him. I mean if Maradona and "the beard of God" can't save Argentina, then who can?

  2. I read that he has used 78 different players in World Cup Qualifiers. My new theory after reading this post is that he has a very high mullet standard that the youth of this generation have not achieved. It also explains why he refuses to call up Juan Roman Riquelme. Riquelme's lack of mullet is a sign of disdain for his home country and God.

  3. ....and they squeak into the 4th spot.

    Uruguay should still advance after their playoff game with Costa Rica.

    Poor Ecuador, you did so well, at first.


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